Today's post is brought to you by the letter "S." As in Self-esteem! It's my weakness. As a therapist I should be all empathic and understanding, but in life I have very little tolerance (it's my bias, I know) for those with low self-esteem. I find it much less irritating to work with clients who have a low sense of self than I used to. Perhaps it gives me a sense of hope or control to know I am part of the self-discovery/acceptance process for a confidence challenged individual. I don't know.
I have been thinking quite a bit about it and the process is somewhat ironic. We all have the need for value and worth and so those who believe they don't deserve it seem to achieve it by getting unduly angry at others for wronging them (although they rarely do more than bitch to others about said wrongings) or by doing other selfish acts such as falling into self-pitying depression, addiction, or what have you. The self finds a way to get it's narcissistic needs met. Those who value themselves seem to get their needs met in more acceptable, healthy ways: asking for appreciation, utilizing appropriate confrontation, not questioning whether or not they deserve something good, etc.
I realize that there must be something in me that fears low self-esteem otherwise it would not strike such a chord. Alas, I struggled with issues of self-acceptance growing up and have worked hard to come to the place I'm at now. Perhaps I'm a bit embarrassed that I wasn't always in such a sure-footed position in my life?
Why is it so easy to dislike ourselves? Why do people readily accept the bad things about oneself and struggle more with the good? Can Puritan blood STILL be running through our collective veins? Okay, so this was a bit of a rambling post, but it was personally helpful to see this issue in black and white and begin to take it apart for myself! Thanks, computer therapy! :)
