Monday, December 13, 2010

Rantings

Today's post is brought to you by the letter "S." As in Self-esteem! It's my weakness. As a therapist I should be all empathic and understanding, but in life I have very little tolerance (it's my bias, I know) for those with low self-esteem. I find it much less irritating to work with clients who have a low sense of self than I used to. Perhaps it gives me a sense of hope or control to know I am part of the self-discovery/acceptance process for a confidence challenged individual. I don't know.

I have been thinking quite a bit about it and the process is somewhat ironic. We all have the need for value and worth and so those who believe they don't deserve it seem to achieve it by getting unduly angry at others for wronging them (although they rarely do more than bitch to others about said wrongings) or by doing other selfish acts such as falling into self-pitying depression, addiction, or what have you. The self finds a way to get it's narcissistic needs met. Those who value themselves seem to get their needs met in more acceptable, healthy ways: asking for appreciation, utilizing appropriate confrontation, not questioning whether or not they deserve something good, etc.

I realize that there must be something in me that fears low self-esteem otherwise it would not strike such a chord. Alas, I struggled with issues of self-acceptance growing up and have worked hard to come to the place I'm at now. Perhaps I'm a bit embarrassed that I wasn't always in such a sure-footed position in my life?

Why is it so easy to dislike ourselves? Why do people readily accept the bad things about oneself and struggle more with the good? Can Puritan blood STILL be running through our collective veins? Okay, so this was a bit of a rambling post, but it was personally helpful to see this issue in black and white and begin to take it apart for myself! Thanks, computer therapy! :)

Monday, December 6, 2010

It's been years!

Hello, sorry I've been so out of touch! Reading back on this blog has put a smile on my face! That wonderful crush/boyfriend turned into a husband (Password: STOUT) just over 4 months ago. I finished internship and successfully defended my dissertation in August. I got a job at UT's counseling center a month ago and will be studying for the EPPP soon. My how time flies!

I thought grad school would never end. The things I've wanted most in my life were a PhD and a wonderful partner. Strangely, I got both of those within weeks of each other! I've never been so happy in my whole life. I tell him all the time how much I love our life. Sure, I still over-commit myself and more money would always be nice, but basically, I'm fabulously happy. I'm personally and professionally fulfilled. How many people get to say that?! I so wish I could go back to visit myself at earlier, more difficult points in my life and say, "Hey, it gets better! Keep putting the work in! It pays off." Sorry this is such a gushing, cheesy post, but it's heartfelt. Life is good!